Idealization

What is idealization mean to u?
well, my definition is everything that u may not achieve but can get it as close as possible if u stress yourself very super ultimate hard.
I guess im too unfriendly to face all the projects thingy, graduation campaign activities contribution ( i personally feel ppls are work for getting marks instead of really contribute, abit dissapointed la...), hope to see the spirit, the heart that i mean...
yea...im fool, i did feel like that after done this portrait painting, im super damn curious to know about the future, keep thinking of how good if i were being in this ideal condition? just feel what im doing now, will hardly get into that situation. what can i do then?
ok...this is nonsense, so just try to do a painting, like what the psychologist telling their patient to do, see what story u can get in the painting, ooo...im getting insane ><
所谓艺术家跟精神病人只是一线之差，i guess im in the middle now...ha
there is alot of thing in my mind, i have no idea how to express all of them...
i think most of the ppls will definitely feel cool? korean? professional? but my purpose is to see something deeper than the out look...
feel the expression/emotion...is it too much for an artist? more to a psycho...
well feeling better now...